Recently, there was an incident reported by the New York Post involving Mary J. Blige and her husband. Of course, being a celebrity, it gets covered by the news. But really, how many men are physically harmed by their women?
A University of Pennsylvania emergency room report found 13% of men reported being assaulted by a female partner in the previous 12 months, of which 50% were choked, kicked, bitten, punched, or had an object thrown at them, 37% involved a weapon, and 14% required medical attention, at Academic of Emergency Medicine.
Mary, Mary, quite contrary to apparent earlier denials, that Mrs. Mary J. Blige went Chris Brown* on her husband (Kendu Isaacs) at a NYC club last Tuesday, the “rumor” persists. Word is she punched him so hard that she drew blood. She and her party were quickly escorted out of the public’s view, but according to NYPost.com, she could be heard yelling, “‘What are you gonna do, Chris Brown me?” Hmmmm…Chris Brown her? Didn’t she just Chris Brown him?
So cute!
Apparently Kendu’s crime was flirting with a waitress thus spoiling Mary’s night. Let me just pause for a second and ask, what the hell is it with married men of financial means and other women? Anyway, back to Mary.
So witnesses say Mary physically abused her hubby and caused him bodily harm. Her bodyguards were on hand to quickly diffuse the situation and no doubt tender Kendu’s reaction–he was seen leaving the club shortly after. Let’s just say that the witnesses accounts are true. I guess what I’m wondering is what should our reaction be?
Virtually all sociological data shows women initiate domestic violence as often as men, that women use weapons more than men, and that 38% of injured victims are men. California State University Professor Martin Fiebert summarizes almost 200 of these studies online.
When the news broke of Chris’s beating of Rhianna, we quickly rallied around Rhianna and scorned Chris.
Not so cute!
Chris has effectively been blackballed, career pretty much done—album sales in the crapper. Not that I sympathize with him much; he violently beat another human being. A ruined career is hardly an injustice. My bit of compassion for Chris lies in the fact that he is a mere juvenile and that his freedom, not simply his career, could have been lost due to one violent, senseless, thoughtless act. Of course that is the price often paid when we temporarily lose our damn minds and allow our worst impulses to take over.
Oh I’m sure the physical damage done to Rhianna was greater than the damage done to the bloody face of Kendu, but both acts were physical displays of violence nonetheless. Mary currently has a new CD where she sings of being stronger than ever; I guess Kendu’s face can vouch for that. Of course, unlike Chris, Mary is a woman. I have heard the argument many times that a hit, slap, or beat down from woman to man is really no biggie, certainly not on par with the opposite. After all, we are the weaker sex (physically that is).
Men don’t complain to the extent that abused women do. Why? It’s embarrassing. It’s degrading. They figure people will mock them if its known that a women got the best of them. They are between a rock and a hard place because if they defend themselves, public opinion will say they are the abuser not the abused. Yet, they do get beat up.
So I ask, is the true offense the act of violence itself or the amount of damage the act could, or did, do? Or is it just this simple: a man hitting a woman is intolerable, but a woman hitting a man, well, it’s not ideal, but it’s forgivable? acceptable? Recall that nary a word was uttered against Elin when she clubbed Tiger—the entire focus was on Tiger and his waitresses (I mean mistresses). And like Elin , Mary (to a much, much smaller degree) had been disrespected by her husband in one of the most insulting ways—an offense that many women feel justifies acts of violence. So say the public actually goes after Mary and demands a price for her act of violence—why then Mary and not Elin? Hmm…race complicates everything doesn’t it? It just adds another layer to every situation. As a woman I certainly cannot deny feeling a sense of understanding related to Mary’s situation. Why if my husband ever, I’d want to, no doubt, but hopefully wouldn’t, stomp on his eyeballs with my heels.
So I draw no real conclusions; certainly am not advocating that Mary’s career suffer—didn’t advocate that Chris’ suffer either. I’m just wondering what’s the real difference?
Blockquotes from About.Com.
More about this story can be found at the New York Post’s website.
{ 3 comments }
I am, also, disappointed in Mary. I understand that it must have been embarrassing to have her husband flirting, but flirting with a waitress is not, generally, an offense worthy of such a hardcore response, or that level of anger, and what is with a grown, supposedly, strong woman unable to channel that anger into a more civil, dignified, response…Yeah, I know, I’m expecting too much.
I’ve always loved MJB, partly, for having triumphed over her own demons and the relationship in which she was the abused. I’m still a fan, maybe more so than a lot of Chris Brown fans are/were. IMO, though the offenses are, basically, the same there are reason to see them differently–though violence is not the answer, nor is it acceptable.
I see Mary’s outburst as an example of a ghetto-fabulous diva living by a creed…she will not be dissed. She’s not a bad person, but she’s not yet, where she may have thought she was.
Chris Brown, on the other hand, is a young, volatile boy trying to be a man through his sexuality and fame, and was taken to task by a pretty, sexy sought after young diva–an explosive combination. She provoked him in a way that his young immaturity was not equipped to handle. I know that it is not pc to accuse a victim of having some culpability for the attack against them–but trust, she knew how to push buttons and provoke a manchild. She grew up fighting with brothers. She may not have anticipated the consequences of his viciousness, but she was aware of the actions that led to the provocations, and she is not totally innocent, imo. I say this not to excuse CB in anyway from responsibility for assaulting Rihanna, but I feel that she, in her immaturity, knowingly, provoked him to reach a volatile response.
Ultimately, had I been a fan of CB. I would have given a pass, simply because he is a kid and deserves a chance to acknowledge and correct himself.
I hope that Mary will be embarrassed enough to reflect upon her actions and seek help, as well. As for Kentu, he is a grown-ass man, and I can’t bring myself to consider him an abuse victim, not really. If he remain in an abusive relationship without some changes or correction on both their parts, I question his motives.
I hope that Rihanna will know that that as a woman whether she is famous and gets media attention or not, volatile confrontations are not what a relationship makes.
I was disappointed in Mary because I thought she had come so far. I had just read an article on her in JET and then saw her perform on So you think u can dance and she just seemed so classy and like she had left all that other mess in the past.
Violence is not the answer.