There is so much going on in the world today, and so many offering step by step instructions on how to maneuver your way through it all. Need to lose weight? There are a few thousand books on that. Got problems in your relationships? Another few thousand and a dozen talk shows. Some offer good insights; some are just a rehash of the same old thing. Bottom line, after you go through all the advice, what do you do?
Trust yourself. Think for yourself. So what if some celebrity is doing it? So what if some stranger on a talk show says he has 20 proven steps to get you out of financial trouble. Are you going to follow those steps? Probably not, and that’s because we’re a hard-headed bunch, and we really don’t like to be told what to do, even if the advise is good. We’re not invested in it, so we don’t stick to it. That’s ok. But if you’re not going to cull through the abundance of information and figure out what may or may not work, you still have some personal homework to do.
You have to think. You have to think honestly and deeply. I don’t mean in an obsessive way. I’m not talking about sitting around thinking about your problems all day. I’m talking about thinking about solutions to your problems. And take your time.
Too often we are confronted with a problem, and our first instinct is ‘woe is me…I’m in trouble,’ and then we concentrate on the trouble, over and over again. We talk about the trouble to anyone who will listen. We wallow in the trouble. What needs to be done is to take a step back, tack that trouble on a wall, and stare it down. Then ask yourself, “what am I suppose to do with this situation; am I part of the problem; what can I do that will cause the least harm to others and me?” Please note that I put “others” first, because you have no right to bring harm on others, ever. You, however, will just have to woman up to the discomfort of your decisions.
Sorting It Out
First thing to do is identify the problem. Is it real or imagined? Seriously. Is this problem something that is truly going on in your life or in your mind? (we’ll talk about these in a later post)
Next, make a list. List each part of the problem. How did it begin, who were/are the players, what was your contribution to the problem, and how is it affecting your current situation?
Think about each item. What could have been done differently? (that’s the lesson, learn from it, vow not to repeat the same mistakes, and move on). What can you do now? (working towards solutions)
- What will it take to fix each item?
- What are you willing to do to fix each item? Not, what is someone else willing to do for you, but what are you willing to do?
- Pick those areas over which that YOU and only you have some.
- What amount of time will it take to work on each item? Can you stick with it?
Are you prepared mentally, physically, or financially to tackle each aspect of the problem? You have to be committed to this. If you are only going to pay lip service to it, the problem will not go away. If you are not completely prepared, ask yourself what would it realistically take to make up your mind to be determined to bring about change?
Here’s a real life case (names have been changed):
Marsha is a single mother with two kids, aged 1 and 3, with ever growing needs (1). Their fathers, neither of whom she married, do not pay child support(2). She works on a low paying job that she hates(3), lives in a neighborhood she’s afraid of(4) , drives an old car that she has to pray over each time she gets behind the wheel(5), and has no savings(6).
Those are a lot of heavy duty problems. Embracing all of them at once can be overwhelming and effectively make her incapable of tackling either. Let’s isolate the problems again. Making a list:
- two kids
- no child support
- low paying job
- undesirable neighborhood
- unpredictable automobile
- no savings
On first glance, most of her problems are related to one thing – insufficient income. Marsha needs to concentrate on this one area for now, because none of the others will change without it. Marsha has a high school education where she took some computer training classes. That much enabled her to get a job at a call center making $10 an hour with health benefits.
She could just settle and not rock the boat, because after all she does have a job, but Marsha is miserable and desperately wants a change. She’s tired of always having to say no to her kids when they want a toy or want to go on an outing. She’s tired of not being able to join others at her job for lunch every now and then. Little things. She’d like to have a better car, a nice home, and a chance to send her kids to college. Big things. She’s already sacrificing and doing without, only barely paying bills, and nothing more. Marsha decides to look into a couple of things.
- a job promotion
- more education in a field that’s in demand
Marsha makes some inquiries on her job about what it would take to get a promotion. Her supervisor is less than encouraging and basically tells her that she needs more time on the job, to put in some overtime, and prove herself worthy, and then maybe, maybe she’d get promoted. Maybe she’d advance to $12 an hour. She really can’t do the overtime because child care expenses are high as it is, and she’d have to pay someone else to keep the kids in the evening. So that’s out. She thinks about college.
In her spare time, Marsha gets online to look at the websites of colleges in her area. There’s a ton of information out there, and it all bogs her down. Which way to go? Marsha decides to talk to an acquaintance who has a college degree in nursing, and ask about the steps she took. Fortunately, this acquaintance (we’ll call her Laquisha) is delighted to share what she knows. She tells Marsha to avoid schools that are not accredited, because any kind of diploma or certificate from an unaccredited school will not help her if she wanted to transfer to an accredited school and continue her education. She also tells her about financial aid and directs her to the FASHA website – the federal government’s free online financial aid application. She explains applications and deadlines for financial aid and colleges. Laquisha tells Marsha that if her income reflects the need, she may be able to get enough grant and loan money to help her go to school full time. Laquisha questions Marsha about her interests to help her narrow down a career focus. She also directs her to the federal government website of the
Occupational Outlook Handbook.
Marsha is amazed at the information she’s discovering now that she’s got a better idea of what to look for. She spends hours reading, finds other links to interesting careers, and finds some online assessment tests that she can take for free. Ironically, she chooses nursing like Laquisha. It seemed to suit her. She likes helping people. She hates to see people suffer, plus it’s a field where she can get her education in stages and still be in demand as an employee. Marsha decides to investigate LPN nursing programs, which are typically short, and graduates can often get a job once completed. She finds a program at a local junior college and completes an online application. Meanwhile, she also completes the FASHA and lists two additional schools, just in case.
Now some may balk at going to college thinking it takes too long. Well, how much time will pass if you do nothing? The same, right? Marsha reasoned that she was already a member of the working poor, so deprivation for the time it took to get her education wasn’t going to make her life any worse. Plus, there would be light at the end of that tunnel. Her plan was to get the LPN, get a job, go for her RN, and if she still loved the field, look into getting a Bachelor’s degree and beyond. She even entertained the idea of becoming a doctor, but first things first.
Things started to fall in place. Soon the college contacted Marsha advising her to get in touch with one of the school financial aid counselors, which she did. The counselor was impressed that Marsha had already applied for the FASHA. So many don’t take care of this first. She was also impressed with how well Marsha presented herself – very polite, very attentive. Marsha had some good things working for her. She was very neat in appearance, even if most of her clothes were hand-me-downs or bought at discount stores. She spoke well. (if your use of English is shabby, put that on your list, because if you can’t correctly speak standard English, you will make the WRONG impression). The counselor reached into her bag of goodies and presented Marsha with an unexpected opportunity. It was a chance to take a quick 4-week CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant) class before nursing school started. She’d be able to get a job that would work with her school schedule and allow her a little on-the-job training. Once her application for financial aid went through, Marsha discovered that she was qualified for federal and state grants. She would not have to take out any loans. She had chosen a field that had a shortage of workers, and there were all kinds of incentives to encourage students to obtain the necessary education. Her new income would be sufficient, plus the school had a health care plan she could use. As a result of her new work and school grants, she was on her way.
Marsha stuck to her plan. There were a few bumps along the way, but she never gave up. School was hard. It required long hours of studying. She often functioned on just several hours of sleep. She still had to mother her children with their daily needs, illnesses, and activities. The car died a couple of months before she finished the LPN program, but Marsha was lucky again and was able to purchase a neighbor’s old car on payments. (the neighbor actually admired Marsha’s effort to better her life) It looked like crap, but Marsha didn’t let that factor into her plan for her life. She really didn’t care what other people thought about it. Within five years, she not only worked as a nurse, but also completed a Bachelor’s degree in Nursing. She even took time to take those two dads to court to get child support. One pays sporadically. The other pays a small amount. Every little bit helps. She not only moved out of the neighborhood that she hated, but she also bought a new house and a car. Her job, alone, affords her to have a pretty good lifestyle. She is considering becoming a Nurse Practitioner.
Problem solved. New problems will be tackled with the same approach. The only thing you need to know is that they can be tackled.
I’m a firm believer that we are wired to know what we need to do. The answers are out there in the universe. The universe is reciprocal. You take one step, and the rest of the way will be revealed to you. You put something out there, something will come back. Sisters Up!